Truths about our connections with people we love and keeping love alive.

There's no doubt that it's easy to get caught up in worrying about how long the hard seasons will last, and when the more blissful times will return. All relationships go through hard seasons. Especially if you and your partner have been together a long time, you have probably felt the cyclical nature of these "seasons": there have been some storms, hard chills and times of foggy uncertainty, along with times of sun and cool breezes.
But rather than panic, become defensive or start to think about leaving, below are truths about keeping love alive.

1. Relationships are an inside job.
All change begins within you and is maintained by you. Once you shift your focus from your partner to yourself, you gain enormous power to affect both your relationship and your own well-being.
Too often, we blame issues in our relationships on our partners. But the truth is that the change begins with you and you alone. You can always change the way you react to what the other person says and does, even if your partner doesn’t do anything differently. That is where the dynamic shift begins.

2. Communication isn’t an issue when things are going well.
When we are in the midst of a tough situation with our partner, we tend to react in one of three ways: we fight, freeze, or flee. In one of these reactive modes, we will of course look very different to our partner than when we’re breezing along, relaxed and open. That's why we need to be mindful of our triggers, and notice when they are being set off. From there, we can set an intention to slow down, and respond to a conflict rather than react.

3. Most troubles in relationship happen because of fear — the fear of lost connection.
We’re wired in our brains and hearts to be connected with others. Numerous studies show that touching, hugging, and being a part of loving relationships help us to live longer, healthier, and happier lives. So how can we manage the anger and conflict that are part of all relationships, and avoid the loss of life-enhancing connection?
The secret to keeping our relationship strong under duress is to manage our love account just as we manage our bank account: by keeping the deposits higher than the withdrawals. Listen, support, touch, apologize, appreciate, and surprise. We need to practice these behaviors often enough to amass the goodwill to cover those times when the relationship is “overdrawn.”
We can be angry, hurt, outraged. It doesn’t mean we cut off connection. It doesn’t mean we fail to see the merit of our partner’s main strengths. Although it may feel like the last thing we want to do, if we keep the bridge open between us, we’ll find the way forward in the most difficult times.

4. Just about any two people can get along, if they really want to.
People who couldn’t be more different, who were recovering from the biggest messes you could imagine: multiple betrayals, misunderstandings, years of hurt and anger. Yet they felt a compelling connection and commitment to one another, which they didn’t want to lose. Diligently they adopted new rules and practices to regain connection. They managed to forgive each other and to do the inner work to stop whatever behavior had caused the trouble.
If two people are willing to do the work, make the changes, and learn the skills, they can have a relationship better than anything they ever imagined.

Ways you can become a love magnet and attract the right person into your life.

To attract genuine and authentic love, it's essential to go deeper and become a better version of yourself. There’s nothing sexier, or more attractive, than someone who is comfortable with himself and strives to do better each day.

 A great body, wicked sense of humor and nice smile will land you lots of dates. But if you’re looking for an emotionally rich, long-term relationship, it's going to take more than just superficial attractiveness.

1. Know yourself.
You may want to get to know others and see who fits, but do you know yourself first? Have you gone within? Have you spent time alone? No one can save us, fulfill us or make us happy except ourselves.
Create some down time where you’re by yourself. What’s important to you? What brings you alive? What scars need to be healed? What from your past do you need to let go of? What beliefs are holding you back? A little quiet time and reflection, daily, can help you understand yourself better.

2. Love yourself.
The key to loving others is to love yourself first. Loving yourself means slowing down your life and creating space. It’s about loving the thoughts that pop up in your mind and diffusing the negativity that you hear.
Love yourself by extending compassion for your thoughts, feelings and fears. Journal, share and find healthy ways to get comfortable with your inner state of mind. Feel the compassion and kindness in your heart and allow it to flow to all parts of your body.

3. Be true to yourself.
"Faking it til you make it" isn't a great mantra for everything in life. Your being needs more than that. Trying to behave like someone else will leave you feeling like you’re playing a role that wasn’t meant for you.
So know your truth. Speak your truth. Live your truth. Find work that suits you. Find friends that accept you for you who are. Show up and be seen as you are — what you most conscious of about yourself is what others will love most about you.

4. Care for yourself.
You’d easily show up for a friend in need or fly across the country to take care of your bestie. Now answer this: What are you doing to take care of yourself? What’s on your daily self-care plan? Is it time to create some "me time," where you slow it down, breathe, and relax? Read something you love, watch something you enjoy, cook up something you crave?
Care for your body, mind and soul on the daily. It's really not a luxury.

5. Improve yourself.
Isn’t it easier to wish others changed and became better version of themselves?
Exactly. No one changes because of us but we can change. We can change out mindset, change our beliefs, change our habits and even change our outlook on the world.
Your personal development tool kit is all around you. Every book on your bookshelf can likely improve your life. A talk with an upbeat friend can inspire an upbeat day.
Set a goal. Start a habit. Observe yourself. Look for ways to improve. Look to others for inspiration. Get motivated to make changes. Because what you don’t change will remain the same — you decide when you want to see changes in your life.

6. Value yourself.
No one is going to value you until you value and respect yourself. If you realize your power and potential, others will too.
Boost your self-worth by doubling down on work you’re good at, by being around positive people and doing activities that help you feel good about yourself. Think about all the good you’ve done for people. Reflect upon all your achievements at work and how much you’re valued. Remind yourself of your kindness, compassion, love and generosity.
Above all: you’re only as valuable as you value yourself.

7. Listen to yourself.
You know what’s super attractive? People who know what they want and live to their heart’s desires.
Your heart speaks to you through your intuition and your feelings. It usually screams out to you but you’re listening to BeyoncĂ© instead on iTunes.
You’re continually being led and guided by your inner compass. If you’d just stop for a couple minutes and acknowledge it, you’ll have a road map for your life and super accurate decision-making system.

Signs your marriage is in trouble

You're fighting more and playing less. Your conversations are about bills and kids and work rather than dreams and goals and vacations. You love your partner, but you're not feeling “in love” anymore.
 You know something is off in your relationship, but you just can't pinpoint it. Your lives are so busy, you don't have time for each other. When you do get together, it’s just not as fun. You know you want your marriage to work, but you also want to be happy again. Something needs to change.

 Your relationship is not doomed. Most likely, you just need to figure out the hidden issues and fix them.

1. You think you could be happier with someone else.
Maybe you could be happier with someone else ... that doesn't mean there's a problem with your relationship! The bottom line is that love is a choice. It's a practice. Actively love the one you're with. Remind yourself why you and your partner fell in love and make time for the things that nurture your connection. Do you love to see movies together? Take long walks? Try new restaurants? Plan to do the things that bring you together and you will feel closer.

2. Everything your partner does annoys you.
Living with another person can be tough. We all have our quirks. Maybe you used to love your husband's huge laugh, but today you find it irritatingly loud. Rather than focusing on what annoys you, choose one or two things you love about your partner and start admiring those. Maybe your husband has a great smile and is a patient listener.

3. You’re changing and he or she is not.
You are growing! That's awesome! Don’t leave your spouse behind. Invite him or her to grow with you, but don't pressure your partner to change. (No one likes that!) If you're new to meditation, invite your spouse to practice with you. If you're excited about a new parenting course, see if she wants to take it with you.
And remember: you'll never be in agreement 100 percent of the time. (That would be boring!) Instead, look at the core values that you share and focus on those. For example, focus on the fact that you both care about health, rather than the fact that he will not try the latest elimination diet.

4. Your trust has been broken.
Trust can be restored when you focus on doing things that are in the best interest of your spouse and your relationship. Trust is the most important force in a long-lasting relationship and is often hard to restore without professional help. If you find that you and your partner can't restore trust on your own, consider meeting with a counselor who can help you both move forward.

5. You never really talk to each other.
Your life goals and priorities may not be aligned. It’s time to reevaluate your goals, priorities, and life vision and get on the same page with your spouse. Schedule a fun night to talk about your dreams and find out where you are aligned.

6. You feel unappreciated.
You're working your butt off in your career, running the household, and raising the kids … but you receive no thanks. Instead of complaining, be the change you want to see in your relationship. Start showing your partner gratitude every day. And if you need help in running the household, ask for it. Don't complain about what you're not getting, but be clear about what would make your life easier.

7. You don’t feel like you can talk to your partner about difficult things.
Last time you tried to bring up a touchy subject, it turned into an all-out blowout. That's a sign that you and your spouse need to learn how to communicate based on your feelings and your needs. Communication isn't easy, and most of us weren't taught how to have difficult conversations in school, but you can learn.

8. You feel sad and anxious and are no longer taking care of your physical, mental, and emotional health.
Relationships are an important predictor of your quality of life. If yours is not thriving, then it will be very difficult for you to thrive. If you are suffering mentally, physically, or emotionally, please seek help from a trusted counselor or mental health professional.

9. You compare your relationship to others.
If you find yourself taking note of what's happening in your friends' relationship, that's a sign that you have unmet needs. For example, if you're envious of how patient your friend's husband is, chances are, that's a sign that you'd like your partner to be more patient. Talk to your partner about this — and then do your best to stop comparing! That just makes everyone feel worse.
Another example: if you're envious of how often your friend has date night, chances are, that's a sign that you'd like more quality or fun time with your partner. Maybe it's time to plan a trip to your favorite pizzeria? Use those negative feelings to fuel positive experiences in your relationship.

10. You don’t feel heard. (Or worse, you feel belittled.)
This is a sign that your communication is broken. Luckily, communication can be improved with practice. You may be surprised how much it will help if you just try to listen more. Once your partner feels heard, he or she will typically return the favor, and you'll create a climate of understanding and respect.

 Don't let your relationship slowly deteriorate! Take action today to create surprising changes in your relationship. When you choose to make yourself and your relationship better, chances are you'll become a happier, better version of you.

Principles you need to sustain a loving relationship

Relationships can be difficult even when you understand the nuances of human behavior. An awareness of these principles means being not completely clueless when couples hit a rough patch. Mastery requires dedication to practice, even when you don’t feel like practicing. Over time, it's become easier to get back on the metaphorical tightrope and find balance and progress in the relationship again.

 Through life experience of in-depth exploration of ancient traditions of wisdom, it was discovered that these principles that can lead to a greater sense of “safety” in women (otherwise referred to as the feminine aspect of the relationship) while reinforcing that primal need for “appreciation” in the man (or masculine aspect).

  Abiding by these principles takes one closer to relationship success as we define it, while disregarding them can cause the relationship to quickly go out of balance.

1. Relationships don’t make you happy.
Your inner state determines your dominant emotional state in the relationship, not the other way around. If you’re miserable inside, you won’t find someone to make you happy in a relationship, no matter how wonderful they are. You must make becoming happy on your own a priority — through yoga, therapy, meditation, gardening, whatever. Only then will you be able to find happiness in the relationship.

2. Your partner cannot change their behaviors for you. They must do it on their own.
People who haven’t done the work to truly change may claim that they’ve changed to keep you around (or get you back). This only means they've become more aware of the problem. True change takes time — usually much longer than they think.

3. Everyone is a work in progress.
No one is perfect. The person you imagine to be better and more understanding than the person you are currently with does not exist in the way you idealize. They have challenges and issues too — probably ones you can’t even fathom.

4. Your truth is not necessarily the truth.
What you know to be true is like the colored blob in a lava lamp: It may be true — but only for that moment, and only at your present level of understanding. Individual truth is fluid, so expect it to change based on experience. The same goes for your significant other. If you invalidate the other person’s truth (something that happens far too frequently in relationships), you invalidate their experience and understanding. Nothing will cause backlash and defensiveness faster than invalidating another person’s experience. If you can find a way to honor their truth, you will not only honor them, but you will find your partner more engaged and interested in working on the relationship.

5. You must be relentlessly self-referring.
If you become angry, disappointed, or sad because of something the other person did or said, instead of making your partner the villain of the relationship, there’s an opportunity to assume responsibility in your story of what happened. Maybe something in you triggered your anger. Maybe your expectations were too high? Or perhaps you were seeking happiness where it can never be found (i.e., in the other person). These are common relationship blind spots that we all fall victim to from time to time. They rarely have to do with the other person and will continue to trip you up unless you become aware of your internal triggers.

6. Your attention is like fertilizer. Place it only on what you want to see grow.
It’s easy to be negative or condescending. It’s much more challenging — yet infinitely more rewarding — to point out the similarities (i.e., the positives) with your partner, and to note their higher qualities. If you water the weeds of negativity, those less-inspiring qualities will quickly grow and overtake your ability to see any goodness in your situation.

7. The “misery” savior doesn’t exist.
There is no rescuer coming to lift you out of your distress. The power to be happy is within each of us. Either you will take the steps to tap into your happiness, or you will end up in relationship after challenging relationship until you exhaust all possibilities and have no choice but to turn inward. Either way, you are inevitably responsible for your own happiness.

8. Change is a constant, so don’t keep the past on life support.
We all need room to change, grow, and evolve. The person you’ve become and the person you fell in love with may not have the same preferences, values, and worldview 10 years (or 10 days) down the line. It’s not fair to hold people to how they felt or to what they said in the past, when life experience offers an ever-broadening perspective. To continue cultivating an environment of vulnerability, openness, and support, let go of the past (when you didn’t know better), and learn to embrace and celebrate change.

9. Your “ideal” relationship will be unique to you.
Love may not look how you imagined. You may not be married by the time you’re in your 30s, 40s, or even 50s. You may not have children. You may fall for someone 10 years younger or five years older. And all of that is OK. Learn your lessons, be open to the guidance of your heart, and let go of the social conditioning that tells you where you should be in life to be happy. Accept that where you are now is where you should be — and stay committed to growth.

10. One of the biggest mistakes you can make in a relationship is seeking your happiness in the other person.
The movies are wrong. There is no person who completes you — who is capable of transforming you into a permanently happy person. Your partner’s attributes may complement yours nicely, but they can never complete you, because on a soul level, you are already complete. What’s required is a space for you to explore and express yourself as authentically as possible.

11. The best indication of the future is the past.
Review the second principle, and adjust your expectations accordingly.

12. You must give what you want to receive.
If you want love, you must be more loving. If you want understanding, you must be understanding. That’s the proper sequence — giving first, then being open to receiving. But remember: You must give without expecting anything in return. Also, because the emotional bank account between you and your partner may be in the red, you may have to give a lot more than you initially thought to get out of debt and begin experiencing the flow of reciprocity.

Types of soul mate relationships you’ll encounter in life

Soul mates are the people who mirror you, make you aware of your repetitive patterns, and propel you forward on your journey. You find a soul mate, or a spiritual partner, when you least expect it.
A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake.

1. Healing soul mates

These are friends who arrive with intention and provide you with life lessons that clear blocks from your past by mirroring you. Healing soul mates show up by divine timing — exactly when we most need to learn what they have to teach.

These friends help us learn how to move forward. A healing friendship exists only as long as your purposes are aligned.

How do you recognize one?

When the relationship or friendship escalates fast. This type of friend usually shows up when you are dealing with repetitive patterns and attempting to work through old issues.

How do you nurture this relationship?

Know up front that this friendship might not last. Like all relationships, it only works if the two of you can respect each other’s need for space and come together with understanding at other times. The intense bond can be redolent of a sibling or romantic relationship. The friendship may have lots of ups and downs, but if you can take the good with the bad, this type of relationship will be very fruitful.

2. Past-life soul mates

Because these people might have been a lover or soul mate in a past life, the relationships feel easy and comfortable. The connection is instant. You might feel like you will be friends forever — no matter how much time passes or how far apart you are geographically — and you’re probably right. This friendship will likely last for a lifetime because you will never want to run or hide from these friends.

These relationships can be carefree, but they also shape us. They teach us to trust and believe in ourselves. In this dynamic, both people feel comfortable telling each other anything. Nothing is off limits. You are accepted for who you are.

These are the friends who help you grow into the person you’re meant to be, and have the special ability to propel you toward your destiny without pain or suffering. Often, we try to turn these relationships romantic, but it is usually impossible. There’s a lack of physical attraction or a desire to sustain and protect your friendship.

How do you recognize one?

You meet this type of person when you’re truly being yourself. Past-life soul mates appear when you’re in your element and you don’t hold anything back. They always have your best interests at heart and will stop at nothing when asked to help you accomplish your dreams. This type of friendship will last a lifetime.

How do you nurture this relationship?

Stay connected. Check in by email or phone, just to say you’re thinking of them. These people come in and out of your life when you need to be directed, and they always bring love and fun. They help bring you back to your inner desires and reconnect you with your abilities. They are crucial in shaping you into the best person you can be.

3. Karmic soul mates

These people, too, are connected to you through a past life. These connections are deep and karmic, and often painful, as they involve ego struggles. Ego pain must be endured, because it is the point. Working through the relationship and learning to overcome suffering is often the only resolution.

How do you recognize one?

Karmic soul mates have a twinlike connection. In times of intense emotion, you actually feel what they feel. Often, these mates have been reincarnated and are reliving some karma to break a negative cycle.

How do you nurture this relationship?

Be aware of the energy you emit, and do your best to remove your ego. If you focus on the positive aspects of the relationship, you will draw positivity from this person. Remove your ego by focusing on what is best for the both of you. Do your best to give unconditional love and understanding to your partner. Unconditional kindness will make your soul mate feel at ease.

4. Twin flames

Twin flames work together to overcome emotional and spiritual barriers. They can talk for hours without running out of things to say. They think alike, finish each other’s sentences, and naturally do things as a pair. This relationship transcends the ego.

When you meet a twin flame, you get a sense of wholeness from the relationship. Not everyone meets their twin flame as a lover, but those who do will enjoy this relationship for the rest of their lives.

How do you recognize one?

You’ll feel like you have known the other person for many lifetimes, and you will rarely want to be apart. Before long, twin flames start to make collective decisions on everything.

How do you nurture this relationship?

The most important aspect of a twin flame relationship is honesty, but relating to your twin flame feels natural and easy. You can probably easily communicate even without words. When both are completely themselves, twin flames can overcome anything.

Every one of these relationships has the potential to end in heartbreak, but each one is also an opportunity to resolve and change your relationship karma. Every relationship that you learn from, and end by moving forward with love, can be marked as a success. It doesn't have to last forever to serve its purpose.

Myths about love we have to overcome

To fall in love is natural. For love to last is not. We’re more likely to succeed in building a lasting relationship if we’ve chosen our partner wisely in the first place.

1. You’ll know immediately whether they’re “The One.”

Yes, you’ll know immediately when you’re attracted to someone. But you need more than sexual attraction (or even a strong instinct) to find someone that will be a good life partner. You need a lot of logical data, which have nothing to do with how you feel. (Data aren’t romantic.)
When people fall in love, they see only the best in each other. And while all of those fine qualities might be real, that does not necessarily mean that they possess the certain, specific strengths of character to go the distance in this relationship.
How well does your lover get along with their family? Do they talk a lot about their disappointments in past relationships, jobs, or other life experiences and blame other people?
Do they own their part in the problems they’ve had? If they tend to see themselves as victims, the day will come when it’s your turn to be the one to blame. If they hold onto grudges, eventually they will hold onto grudges against you.

2. You’ll know the right person because they’ll seem so familiar: like you’ve known them your whole life.

This illusion is tricky. People often think a sense of deep familiarity is a sign that they’re soul mates — fated to be together. What might be truer, actually, is that you recognize and gravitate toward certain personality traits in them that also belonged to your parents. Some of those attitudes and behaviors might have been very hard to live with.
Harville Hendrix, who developed Imago therapy, says we carry in our mind an image, perhaps unconscious, that directs us to seek out lovers that share not only the best but also the worst traits of our primary caretakers.
This tendency is nature’s way of creating a situation similar to the one in which we were wounded as children: Now we’ll go through the situation again, and this time we’ll heal ourselves.
For example, if we felt abandoned as a child, we might seek a partner who's remote and hard to stay connected with. We fall for their green eyes and beautiful hair and feel like we’ve known them forever. After a while, however, we begin to feel the same disconnected feeling we experienced as a child.
Only this time we decide we can learn how to be there for ourselves. Rather than get angry or become needy, we can practice the essential skill of self-soothing, of feeling sufficient inside ourselves. It’s possible to succeed at this effort. Some people do, and some people don’t. To try to heal old wounds this way, however, doesn’t mean we’ve met someone who’d make a truly compatible partner.

3. The more obsessed you are with a person, the more you should be together.

When you fall in love, it’s normal and healthy to think about your lover a lot. An obsession, however, means you think about nothing else, and this fixation isn’t a sign of great love. It’s a sign of great addiction.

4. If it’s “meant to be,” you’ll be able to resolve all problems.

The research shows that 68 percent of conflicts between couples never get resolved. Never. Apparently, the difference between a relationship that works and one that doesn’t depends on how well you learn to cope with your differences, how skilled you become in repair and collaboration, and how able you are to lose the expectation that you will ever always agree on everything.

5. Your mind and your heart will never wander.

It’s human and normal to think of your high school sweetheart, your college love, or the fellow fourth grader who gave you a Valentine’s Day card. It’s even normal to imagine what life might’ve been like with one of them. What’s important is what you do with these thoughts.
Allow them to pass, rather than act on them, and you’ll find your feelings for your partner usually return to the same place they were.

6. You’ll never feel bored, irritated, or wonder why you made this choice in a partner.

Boredom is part of life, and sometimes it’s natural to be bored and irritated by your partner’s same old stories, same old complaints, and same old way of responding to things.
If this reaction is a momentary thing, it’s normal. If you’re bored and turned off almost all the time, however, it’s a signal that you need to start to spice things up.

7. Sex will always be as spontaneous and easy as it is in the beginning.

Sexual cycles are like the cycles of love; they change, often, in a long-term relationship. For the first one to three years, our bodies retain all the chemicals in the so-called love potion, which keep us hot.
Once those chemicals wear off, however, we return to our regular state, along with our regular libido and any former sexual inhibitions. The magic isn’t the same, and the relationship has new stresses now. Instead of the chemicals that acted as an aphrodisiac, stress hormones, which often shut down desire, fill our bodies.
This is normal, and you can do something about it. Do the research, read some good books on how to get your sex life going again, and remember the things you did in the beginning to turn one another on and copy them. You might have to work at it a little harder later in the relationship, but your sex life can be as good as ever if you don’t just rely on spontaneity.
Long-lasting love results from the necessary work that two people do to create a strong, durable partnership over time. When we can combine the feelings in our heart with the wisdom and intelligence in our mind, chances are we will be able to choose someone who has the characteristics and ability to go the distance.

Steps that will transform your internal experience of love so you can attract the greatest love of your life.

Many of us struggle to attract great love into our lives. We want it so badly, yet it feels so far away.
The reason we struggle is simple: If we’re not embodying love, we won’t attract it.
You create your reality from the inside out. Your relationships mirror your feelings about yourself, your beliefs about relationships, and how much love you embody.
When you truly become love, love has no choice but to appear in front of you in all forms (including the form of an incredible partnership).

 We all desire connection: Feeling seen, known, and deeply bonded with another person is what life is all about. Love, undoubtedly, is the sweetest experience there is.

 Become love within, and it will have no choice but to come to you.

1. Find love within yourself.

Everything you create starts within. If you want to create great love, you must first become great love.
This is easier than you’d think. Love, acceptance, connection, and bliss are all energies that come from within. You can find inner love by getting quiet and listening to yourself, following your breath, focusing on the energy near your heart, and setting the intention to connect to your truth.
By diving deeply into yourself, you give love a chance to surface. Once you tap into that love and grow from it, you will attract much more love into your life.

2. Identify and examine your barriers to love.

Attracting love is challenging to everyone, because we all hold onto barriers to love. These barriers are the beliefs that tell you that you can’t have the love you want. On the bright side, they’re easy to overcome — as long as you know what they are.
To discover your personal blocks to love, ask yourself this question: “What makes me doubt that I can have a great relationship?” The answer will show you exactly what beliefs you need to refute in order to transform your experience in love.
Identifying and refuting your limiting beliefs is how you transcend them so you can start to attract the type of relationship you really want.

3. Forgive and let go of your past.

To create a new experience in love, you have to have an internal “clean slate.” That means forgiving those who have hurt you and letting go of the pain you’ve experienced in past relationships.
Your reality is a result of what’s inside you. Resentments you cling to will be reflected in your life and relationships until you let them go.
Letting go of resentment means cultivating compassion for the human experience.
We’ve all been hurt in the past, and we’ve all hurt others. This hurt stems from the wounds we carry within ourselves.
As we heal our own wounds, we find compassion for the wounds of others. This is how forgiveness takes place and we create a new reality in love.

4. Get clear about the type of relationship you desire.

Ask yourself what your ideal relationship looks and feels like.
The answers will help you create a map of your desires and show you what energies to cultivate in your life. This is the cornerstone of attracting great love.

5. Cultivate that experience of love within.

The energy you emit determines the people and experiences you attract. Cultivate the energetic qualities you want to attract from within.
That process looks like this:
If you want to feel deeply adored by a partner, start by imagining and cultivating the experience of being deeply adored by yourself. What does being adored feel like? Familiarize yourself with the experience on an internal level, and similar experiences will be called to you externally.

6. Treat yourself the way you want to be treated.

People will reflect your perception and treatment of yourself to you. To attract an incredible partnership, you have to create an incredible partnership with yourself!
Love yourself, listen to yourself, honor yourself, cherish yourself … whatever that means to you! By knowing how incredible and worthy you truly are, you will invite partners who see and experience you as incredible and worthy, too.

7. Trust. Let this process unfold naturally.

There is divine orchestration in life. The formula is simple: You create what you are.
Once you understand this truth, you can do the internal work and watch the results unfold in your life. This, as we all know, is not easy to do.
We like to be in control. We like to be the orchestrators. That’s because we’re scared that love won’t come, and that we won’t get what we want.
I want to be clear when I say we can’t attract love from fear. We can’t attract love when we’re trying to control the process. We can only attract love from love. That’s why we have to trust, let go, and allow the process to unfold naturally.
If you find yourself trying to control the outcome, just continue with the steps above. Cultivate love from within and know that as you embody the essence of love, it has no choice but to come to you.

8. Let love lead the way.

Love is always your guide. Love is the light that shines from within and creates beauty everywhere you look.
Become the love that you already are — feel it, listen to it, and let it guide you. Love, after all, is the only thing that truly knows the way.

Frustrated of dating the wrong person, ways to turn your love life around.

The seemingly constant loop of news feed posts announcing your friends' engagements and baby showers certainly doesn't make it any easier. Sometimes your "desperation meter" can get so high that you find yourself willing to settle for anything with two legs.

 If you've been on this voyage to find the right partner for what feels like forever but seem to always end up with the wrong one, here are top tips that can help:

1. Get to know yourself.

It's really easy to get caught up in what your parents and friends tell you you should be looking for in a life partner. Those people are not you; they don’t have your mind, your heart, or your soul. You have to spend time with yourself to learn the depths of your needs and desires before you can be truly satisfied in a relationship.

2. Work through your insecurities.

Everyone is bound to have insecurities, but they shouldn't get in the way of your relationships. The level of value you see in yourself is the level of value you will attract in someone else. Insecurities come from not feeling like you are perfect, but perfection is only what you make it to be. So get out of your own way and learn to fall in love with the woman in the mirror.

3. Image isn’t everything.

You are looking for someone who will love you forever, not a partner who makes you look good to everyone else. Social media often makes people feel pressured to “keep up with the Joneses,” but conforming to society's standards isn't all it's made out to be. When all of your energy is put into maintaining the outside, the inside is always going to suffer.

4. Get rid of the checklist.

You've probably been building this list since you were a little girl, and by now it's a mile long. You can check off every box on the "perfect partner" list twice and it still wouldn't mean you're necessarily with the right person. An ideal partner is not perfect; they're just perfect for you.

5. Move on from the past.

It's often hard to trust again once you've been burned. Unfortunately, until you are able to make peace and forgive, your relationships will always suffer. Good, confident, and faithful partners can smell trust issues a mile away.

6. Understand where you are searching for validation.

Most people waste time searching for validation in all the wrong places. In reality, you can only find it within yourself. When you need to hear confirmation of your worth from someone else, you become dependent on them. Suddenly you are not beautiful, intelligent, or funny unless they say you are. We have news for you: you are beautiful, intelligent, and funny, whether your partner tells you so or not.

7. Invest in yourself.

Everyone has the same 24 hours in a day. A healthy life is a balanced life, and you will only find balance once you learn to put yourself first. This means prioritizing your mind, body, and soul. Follow a regular exercise routine, remain conscious of what you eat, read self-help books, find a mentor who is living the kind of life you aspire to live, and get out and explore. When you make time for yourself, you will find your happiness. And happiness is sexy.

8. Slow down.

Settling into a healthy relationship is not a race to the finish line but a steady investment in your future. We know how easy it is to feel behind when it seems like everyone around you has it all together. But everything is about timing, and there's no greater gift you can give yourself than the gift of more time. If you try to speed up your love life too quickly, you'll end up right back where you started.

9. Set boundaries for yourself and your partner.

You should have clear limits, expectations, and non-negotiables when entering a new relationship. Your voice is incredibly important, and it should never be left to collect dust on a shelf. Your strengths and weaknesses should complement your partner's, and you should bring out the best in each other.

10. Never settle.

Once you implement the steps above, you'll be on your way to finding the strong, brave, and courageous partner who has been waiting for you. You will become the woman your soul mate will not want to spend one day without. The best part is, you will understand your value and your worth, and you will refuse to settle for anything less.


Emotional maturity and goals to aim for if you want to reach it. For men

You can become emotionally stronger, you can be more open and vulnerable. As a young man, you must learn to suppress your feelings, to be a tough guy, a stoic, a soldier. This is meant to raise men who are emotionally divided from everyone else in their lives, incapable of vulnerability and intimacy, which perpetuates our culture of commitment-phobia and the death of the nuclear family.

1. Acceptance of feelings.

Emotionally mature men don’t hide from, resist, or suppress their feelings. Instead, they welcome their feelings, which ebb and flow naturally. Discomfort is a great teacher. Once you’ve fully experienced the intensity of uncomfortable feelings like pain or sadness, they will naturally ebb. Your feelings won’t kill you. But running from them will cause your discomfort to endure even longer.

2. Awareness of harmful patterns.

When life events trigger an undesirable emotional response in you, you can acknowledge and deal with the response or try to ignore it, which tends to result in anger (fight) or self-protective distancing (flight). Accepting discomfort as a natural state is how you begin to uncover self-sabotaging patterns and learn to manage your responses to triggering situations.

3. Striving to become more emotionally mature.

If you’re reading this article, you’re open to self-reflection on some level. If you're curious about this world of emotions and feelings, you’re moving toward emotional maturity with intention. You have to be willing to move into the unknown, into vulnerability. Instead of avoiding feelings or running away from them, commit to welcoming them, feeling them, and working through them.

4. Openness to learning and growth.

If you choose to remain in your old patterns once you recognize that they're unhealthy, you will continue to experience the same problems. If, instead, you see this as a way to become a better person, you can begin to take the necessary risk of being more open to feelings and emotions. This leads to increased maturity, stronger relationships, and a more fulfilling life.

5. Open communication of their feelings.

Once you accept and invite your feelings in, you might not know what to do with them. It can be overwhelming. Try journaling or discussing your feelings with someone you trust. If that doesn't put you at ease enough to continue through the feelings, consider talking to a therapist or counselor. Communicating your feelings helps you label and appropriately deal with them.

6. Willingness to have difficult conversations.

An ability to discuss your feelings openly in a safe space is followed by open communication in romantic relationships. Having vulnerable and emotional conversations is hard for everyone but especially people who are sensitive or inexperienced in the language of emotion. The way to learn, as with everything, is to practice. Maintain some ground rules — keep any arguments on the topic of the current disagreement and always speak respectfully to one another. Setting the intention to have a difficult conversation with these parameters is the first step.

6. Humility.

Men have a difficult time talking about their emotions because they aren't at ease with vulnerability or interpret it as weakness in themselves. Part of emotional maturity is the understanding that vulnerability requires strength. It's okay to be seen in fear or fright. You must be willing to break through the ego and get comfortable with being a beginner.

7. Surrounding themselves with emotionally mature men.

Men hear that they shouldn’t cry or share their emotions on the sports field or in the workplace, so most of them don’t. But there are almost certainly a handful of emotionally mature men in your life. Look to them for guidance.

8. Creating space for their partners.

Practicing emotional maturity means creating space for a partner. Being present, available, and open to conversation. It means staying put when you want to run. It means not judging or being emotionally ungenerous when someone needs you.

9. Respecting boundaries.

Emotionally mature men know not to hurt someone or violate their privacy.

10. Listening without fixing.

None of us are therapists – unless, of course, you are one. You don’t have to fix someone’s emotional issues or strong feelings. You don’t have to do anything when others are hurt or suffering except listen in love.

11. Sharing without hiding.

Emotional maturity requires sharing feelings that might initially make you feel ashamed, bringing up the hidden feelings you'd rather not bring up. It's trusting someone else enough not to hurt you and trusting yourself to be able to recover if you do get hurt.

12. Being compassionate and empathetic.

Emotional maturity means trying to understand someone else's feelings. It means shifting your perspective so you put conflict resolution above your desire to be right, and not attacking her when she expresses emotions that may frighten you. It's practicing tolerance and patience.

13. Emotional generosity.

You realize that your role is to be there for support. You are there to uplift rather than to “win” at all costs. Experiencing fear or pain or self-consciousness doesn't mean you're losing and shouldn't trigger aggression. Humanity means experiencing these things. This isn’t a game and you’re not losing. Being emotionally mature means that you’re caring and comforting. It means you can nurture a great relationship. That's already a win.

Women are just as likely to cheat as men. find out

The need for emotional connection is only one among many reasons that women cheat—though it is often paramount. The common perception, when we’re talking about sexual infidelity, is that men are always stepping out on the women in their lives. Needless to say, this idea is antiquated at best. 

Below are reasons women cheat:

1. They are combating low self-esteem.

In such cases, they seek external validation through romantic and sexual intrigue. If they are wanted romantically and sexually, they feel worthwhile, desirable, needed, etc.

2. They have unrealistic expectations about what their primary partner should provide.

They think their significant other should fulfill their every whim and desire, 24/7/365. When this expectation is not met, they seek external satisfaction.

3. They want some extra sizzle in their life.

They miss the neurochemical rush of meeting someone new, flirting with that person, and being sexual for the first time. They find their ongoing relationship predictable and maybe a tiny bit boring, so they grab some excitement elsewhere.

4. They’re unhappy in their current relationship.

There may be a lack of intimacy (a lack of emotional connection, as discussed above), there may be a lack of sex (for any number of reasons), their mate might not be around enough to satisfy their physical and emotional needs, or things might just be falling apart as relationships sometimes do. In such cases, they might cheat to see if there is something better out there or to line up someone new before they end their current relationship.

5. They feel neglected and lonely at home.

Typically, such women feel more like a nanny, a maid, a mother, or a financial provider than an equal and valued life partner. As such, they use romance and sex outside their primary relationship to fill the emotional void.

6. They’re angry and want revenge.

Usually, these women act out in response to a betrayal by their partner. Their partners may have cheated, or spent money without asking for their opinion, or made an important life decision without including them in the process. Out of anger, these women might seek extracurricular sex—and they usually don’t try to hide it.

7. They lack female social support.

Much more than men, women need same-gender social support. Sometimes women, especially those who experienced maternal abuse or neglect, undervalue this need. And they simultaneously overvalue the attention of men. This may lead to cheating.

8. They’re addicted.

Sometimes women have an issue with alcohol or drugs, and these substances affect their decision making, leading to impulsive sexual decisions. Other times they are sexually and/or romantically addicted, using sex and romance compulsively as ways to escape unwanted feelings. (This desire for distraction and escape also drives substance addictions.)
As with men who cheat, there is typically no single driving force for infidelity. That said, there is always another option. Women don’t lose the ability to make decisions for themselves simply because they’re bored, or their mother neglected them, or their husband bought a new car without asking.
Alternative choices include: talking about feelings with close female friends, sharing in therapy, going to couples counseling as a way to improve the relationship, and, most importantly, simply being honest with a significant other about what's going on.