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Reasons why living together is a bad choice if a woman wants to marry
Over the past decade or so, relationship experts have found that there are a few common pitfalls that women who want to get married inadvertently fall into which, decreases their chances of getting married while they're still young enough to walk down the aisle without stopping for breath. One of these pitfalls is living together before marriage.
This issue will not be discussed from a moral or religious standpoint. A woman is and should be free to decide what is best for her without being judged, controlled or condescended to by others.
Men and women have very different ideas about what living together means: Women typically see it as an almost inevitable step toward marriage, while men see it as a no-obligation "test drive." Couples who initiate a live-in relationship under the fog of such contradictory assumptions are already in trouble.
You've heard the old expression, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" It's an ugly phrase, but there's some truth to the message. Living together results in regular, no-strings sex for a man, thus removing the sexual motivation that is part of a marriage proposal. And don't worry about his proposing just to bed you — there are too many sexually available women out there for a man to propose marriage just for sexual release.
Living together means that a man doesn't have to pursue his girlfriend any longer: And if something is too easily acquired, it just doesn't hold the same value as something that is more challenging to get. This more true with couples who are either co-habiting or who lived together before "sliding" into marriage.
There is no interest on taking things to the next level: Because it removes much of a man's motivation to make the formal commitment of marriage within a reasonable time, living together often causes women to feel frustrated and get stuck in a cycle of hope and disappointment. Christmas comes and she hopes for a ring, only to be disappointed. Her birthday comes and she hopes for a ring, only to be disappointed. Her sister gets married and she hopes for a ring, only to be disappointed. You get the idea. Even worse, this cycle often leads to ultimatums — Marry me or it's over!— which, in turn, can lead to a reluctant and passionless groom or, just as bad, a woman who tries to fool herself into believing that "marriage is just a piece of paper" so that she doesn't have to break up with a man who calls her bluff.
Couples who live together are less likely to get married:Why? Well, for the reasons previously mentioned that remove the motivation to marry. Co-habiting couples also tend to have a more lax attitude toward commitment and don't work as hard to stay together. When their relationship goes through a rough spot — as all relationships do — it is all too easy to just walk away. The legal and public commitment of marriage motivates couples to work through conflict, strengthen the relationship and stay together.
Living together is not a reliable way to predict long-term compatibility or marital success: In fact, couples who live together before marriage divorce at higher rates. There are other ways to set yourself up for a happy, healthy marriage. Serious dating allows two people to get to know each other as loving friends and determine whether they have a reasonable chance of being a faithful, respectful and cooperative couple with shared values and vision. Spending time at a boyfriend or girlfriend's house will reveal many personal habits and quirks, while a practical pre-marital class that teaches communication, interpersonal and life skills can give couples the tools they need to help avoid common problems and resolve those conflicts that will invariably arise.
Very few unmarried couples who have children end up staying together: In other words, a child's chances of living in the same home as his or her biological but non-married parents until he or she is a teenager is negligible. Of those couples that do keep their relationships intact until their children are grown, 93 percent of them are legally married. This is important, since children who are raised by both biological parents in a low-conflict home are more likely to be emotionally and psychologically healthy than children whose parents are co-habiting or divorced. They are less likely to experience mental health or behavioural problems, or to live in poverty.
Living together takes the excitement out of being newlyweds: Being a new bride and moving in with your husband to start a life — and perhaps a family — with those shiny new rings on your fingers to show the world your commitment, is a wonderful experience that many women still hope for. Put the cynics and haters on ignore — their bitterness reflects their own choices and reality, not yours. Many, many couples still live "happily ever after" after marriage and you can, too. You just need to know where you want to go in life, and what choices are most likely to get you there.
Again, these are just a handful or problems that living together creates for women,and that results in them spinning their wheels — for years, sometimes! — in dead-end relationships. The cycle can be as humiliating as it is heart-breaking. Break out of it!