Few things every woman deserves in a positive partnership

For every woman in a healthy relationship, it seems like there are three others stuck in dysfunctional patterns with partners, dating, and sex. It’s harder than you might think to steer clear of relationship killers like cheating, emotional abuse, or sexual issues.
 Considering these challenges, it’s no wonder we sometimes lose sight of some of the basic qualities everyone deserves in a happy, healthy relationship.

1. Communication

Sadly, love just isn’t enough when you’re on the other end of an emotionally stonewalling partner. Every relationship needs good, consistent communication. If you can’t learn how to share and communicate your feelings and needs effectively, don’t expect this relationship to survive, let alone thrive. 

 

2. Loyalty

Even if you’re in an open relationship, you can and should expect your partner to show you emotional loyalty, and vice versa. For instance, if your S.O.’s family or friends make you uncomfortable at any point, he or she should stand up for you and make you feel safe and protected. Sexual faithfulness is also part of this, provided you’ve talked about and agreed to monogamy.


3. Passion

Of course, some of the physical fire might dissipate over time, but if you’re in a long-term committed relationship, it’s important to find ways to keep the spark alive. And if your relationship is less than a year old and you can already feel things dulling in the bedroom, that’s a huge red flag. This is the honeymoon period; if you’re not dying to jump each other’s bones right now, you can bet you won’t be in five or 10 years—so get out now and find someone you do feel that way about.


4. Trust

A partnership that’s riddled with anxiety about cheating, fears of disloyalty, or other accusations is hardly a relationship at all. If you find that you’re always questioning things your S.O. says, fighting the urge to snoop (almost always a no-no), or constantly fending off his or her paranoia, it’s time to get therapy or move on. Healthy partnerships mean giving your S.O. the benefit of the doubt 99 percent of the time—your motto should be “innocent until proven guilty,” and not the reverse.


5. Reliability

When the chips are down, you want to know that you can rely on your partner to be there for you, both physically and emotionally. On an everyday basis, you want to know that you can reach your S.O., that he or she isn’t playing games or creating unnecessary drama. Functional relationships mean being able to count on each other: It’s called healthy interdependence (versus codependence).


6. Fun

Of course, while you want a relationship that’s dependable and stable, you also want plenty of lightness and laughter to even out life’s many heavy moments. The best relationships include a balance of fun and seriousness, and allow each partner to tap into both sides of his or her personality. This ensures you’re bringing out the best in each other—and yourself.



7. Positivity

Choosing to see the good in your partner has been proven to make relationships happier and longer-lasting. Negative, difficult moments will happen; fights are inevitable and necessary; and you won’t always be able to celebrate each others’ strengths—but that should be something you make a conscious effort to do on a daily basis. Thank each other for small gestures, express your appreciation and love for your partner, and chances are, you’ll get through the tough times a lot easier, and feeling stronger and closer.


8. Growth

Long-term relationships can’t exist in a vacuum. Just as you aren’t the same person you were five years ago, your relationship won’t be the same five years from now, and that’s a good thing. Change is inevitable, whether it means moving in together, getting married, having a kid, or dealing with one of life’s many other major moments and challenges. As long as you and your partner are both growing in the same direction, your relationship will evolve in a positive, productive way, too.


9. Equality

No matter what changes or challenges you and your partner face over the course of your relationship, one of the most important keys to staying together happily is how much you both care about and pitch in to maintain your connection. Putting in time to have honest talks, date nights, and hot sex is surprisingly hard as life goes on and gets busier—but it’s non-negotiable if you want to keep your relationship alive. If one person does this and the other doesn’t, it won’t work. You both need to do the work, pitching in equally, and the same applies to other areas outside your relationship: Household chores, childcare duties, financial responsibilities, and other unsexy logistics of life—both partners need to participate equally for things to work.

Healthy practices that can transform your relationship

Just like a garden needs soil, water, and the sun, your relationship requires hard work, care, and attention.
When you put the right practices into place, your relationship becomes stronger, healthier, and more vibrant. Even just improving in a few areas like communication and problem-solving can enhance your love life leaps and bounds.


1.  Apologize genuinely and be specific

You can usually tell when you’re receiving an apology that isn’t heartfelt. When this happens, it feels like the other person doesn’t understand why you’re upset or what they’re apologizing for.
When this happens, the fight often continues because although an apology has been offered, it doesn’t get to the bottom of whatever is bothering you. Because of this, forgiveness and healing don’t happen until a better apology is made.
That’s why it’s most effective to be genuine and specific when offering an apology to your partner. When you’re apologizing, state why you are sorry and what you’re sorry for.
By sharing these details, you’re telling your partner you understand their side of the story and that you truly care about how they feel. It’s best to avoid justifying why you did something or why you said something hurtful. When you rationalize your actions or words, you take value away from your apology.
Once you’ve offered a heartfelt and detailed apology, communication opens back up because respect has been re-established between the couple. This genuine apology love hack can make all of the difference.


 2. Remember you’re on the same team

While it may seem natural and obvious that a couple would be on the same team, it’s usually exceptionally hard to practice. Even when my husband gives me simple feedback, I can begin to think that we are on separate teams. Deep down I know he wants the best for me, but it’s hard to see that when he’s offering me a critique – no matter how small.
When you’re giving feedback to your partner, keep in mind that you’re on the same team. In times when your partner becomes defensive, you may even choose to say, “I’m on your side.” or “We are on the same team.” Saying these words out loud is a relationship hack that reminds you both that above all, you love each other and want to help each other be happy.
Remembering you’re on the same team is helpful when you’re receiving feedback from your partner, too. Rather than taking it personally or becoming defensive, you can remember that your partner wants the best for you and is on your side.
If you live far away from your partner, know that being on the same team is a crucial long distance relationship hack. When you’re not physically close to each other, partners can begin to think they are on separate teams. Remind yourself and your partner that you’re in this together.
When your mindset changes from being on separate teams to the same team, you’ll be able to listen to your partner more fully and work together toward your common relationship goals.


3. Do the little things

A happy and healthy relationship doesn’t mean you always need to do grand romantic gestures for each other. Sometimes it is the smallest things that go the farthest and make the biggest difference in a relationship.
My husband, for example, appreciates it when I make the bed in the morning. Even though it makes no difference to me, it’s important to him. When I take the time to make the bed, he feels cared for and valued. A task like that is small but carries big weight.
Relationships are happier and healthier when we do even the littlest things for our partners.
Take mental notes of what your significant other especially appreciates. Is it a chore around the house? Is it tiny, thoughtful gifts or notes? Is it a kiss when they walk in the door?
Figure out little things you can do to make them feel loved and cared for. When you try this romantic hack, extra love and passion will enter your relationship.


4. Make good communication a priority

In a strong relationship, both partners communicate openly, honestly, and frequently. Conversations, feelings, and plans are discussed regularly in order to make sure the couple stays on the same page.
But communication doesn’t just happen. It must be made a priority – no matter what else you have going on in your life. If you’re spending lots of time at work or with friends, still carve out time to talk with your partner and communicate about important life happenings and to-dos. Staying connected builds togetherness and trust.
While good communication is certainly a love hack for all relationships, it’s especially helpful for long distance relationships. For couples that don’t live close to each other, especially those in different time zones, set a certain time that you’ll talk to each other every day or every week. This long distance relationship hack will keep you feeling constantly connected.
By devoting time to communication, your bond will strengthen and future issues will be prevented because you’re on the same page.


5. Don’t let emotion overcome you during an argument

During an argument, the emotional side of our brain can take over, and we lose our rationality. Once our feelings are hurt, we can easily hit a downward spiral of anger, sadness, and misunderstanding.
If you try to separate yourself from the emotion, you can calm yourself during an argument and engage in a healthy conversation instead.
As Eckhart Toll shares in his world famous book, The Power of Now, if you observe the emotion as separate from yourself, “You can then allow the emotion to be there without being controlled by it. You no longer are the emotion; you are the watcher.”
When you’re able to detach from emotion during an argument, you become in control of your own words and actions. You and your partner can then communicate openly, as yourselves, instead of being controlled by initial emotional reactions.


6. Conduct a ‘relationship performance review’

Every few months or once a year, do a relationship performance review. Make it fun by asking questions about your relationship at dinner or over a glass of wine. Use questions such as, “What was your favorite thing we did together this fall?” or “What’s one place you’d like to travel in the next year together?”
You can also ask more in-depth questions about your relationship, like, “How are things going for you? Is there anything that needs to be changed or adjusted? I want to make sure I’m being the best partner for you.” This open communication gives both people a chance to voice how they’re feeling and tweak things along the way.
Rather than letting issues build up, you’re communicating openly, helping to avoid future problems or miscommunications. Having these types of review conversations ensures your relationship will be smooth sailing in the months and years ahead.


7. Mix things up

Every relationship benefits from a little switch-up. Whether it’s in the bedroom or in your weekend activities, try doing new things with your partner. Schedule a Saturday hiking adventure or plan to see a show at the local theater.
When you mix things up, you freshen your relationship. These new activities also offer the opportunity to make special memories together.
Susan Krauss Whitbourne, Ph.D. and professor at the University of Massachusetts Amherst, states that new shared experiences prompt “growing and enduring connections.” She also shares that memories and “time spent together isolated from ordinary everyday activities help to promote positive ties.”
Whatever new thing you decide to do, know that it will add an extra punch to your relationship, making your bond stronger and sexier.

Several types of compatibility we often characterize as love chemistry

Most people who are dating or in relationships agree that the feeling of chemistry is real, but not everyone places the same value on it. Some take a bottom-line "gotta have it" attitude, while others are more circumspect. Some people don't even see it as a good thing initially.

We hear people say, "there just wasn't any chemistry," to explain why their first date won't turn into a second. On the other end of the spectrum, people might say, "there was so much chemistry right away" or "we both just felt it." Interaction progresses from there, sometimes leading to successful, happy relationships, and other times to years of difficult interactions.
Everyone talks about chemistry as that magic ingredient we all need in a relationship but can't quite quantify. We use words like attraction, connection, knowing, vibes, or fit to describe what it feels like. But what is it, really? And is chemistry always a good thing?


1. Physical attraction

Do you believe in love at first sight? It might be more accurate to call it chemistry at first sight. Appearance is one of the most prevalent catalysts for chemistry. Good looks can arouse desire in almost anyone. Our cultural conditioning instills these values, so we respond unconsciously to others on the basis of how they look. When under the spell of sexiness, we don't realize that physical attraction is what's driving our interest and instead identify it as the ever-elusive chemistry.

Here's what you need to know:

Enjoy the physical attraction but don't move ahead too fast. Take time to assess what else is on offer. With time, the allure of a purely physical attraction will wear off and you will be able to see the whole person more clearly.


2. Codependency

Codependency occurs when a person relies on the emotional connection to their partner or relationship to an unhealthy extent. They feel as if they can't survive without them. It’s sometimes called "relationship addiction." One example of this type of relationship is a codependent involved with a narcissist. Though desperately unhappy, the codependent sticks around because of his/her addiction, which remains unacknowledged and instead gets called chemistry.

Here's what you need to know:

Codependents can learn and change. If these issues are causing distress in your life, find a therapist or counselor who can help guide you through the growth process necessary to change your relationship patterns.


3. Shared purpose

We meet someone new and suddenly find ourselves discussing our purpose or mission in life. If we're both on the same page, we're off and running. It's a heady connection for sure. Just the fact that we are willing to be so open right away seems to indicate chemistry. Our shared passions and interests quickly form a strong foundation for continuing involvement. Having someone on board who encourages you to pursue your goals in life is one of the loftiest aspects we can hope to find in any relationship.

Here's what you need to know:

Not many red flags here, at least initially. Having a life purpose that your partner supports can feed a lasting love. Just make sure you stay focused and keep your purpose alive with your own energy as well.


4. Personal growth

People who have been in stagnant relationships where they felt stuck often attract this type of chemistry. It's a relief to find someone who acknowledges their own shortcomings and is willing to work on ways of healing and growing. Hallelujah! These couples usually get to work right away, providing feedback and insights intended to help their partners grow. Sharing self-help books, online resources, and even therapists, they can make great leaps together toward creating more fulfilling lives.

Here's what you need to know:

The main caveat here is to make sure your connection has more aspects to it than just personal growth. All work—which is what growth often feels like—with no play can make for an exhausting relationship. Go through "your stuff" as it comes up, but also make time for more light-hearted ways of relating.


5. Courting the muse

This type of chemistry happens so often we have a phrase for it—it's called "courting the muse." A mutual desire to escalate each other's imagination characterizes this inspiring connection. Artists thrive on it, along with entrepreneurs and others who like to "dream big." It can be quite a high for both parties initially. If it endures over time, the productivity and joy it can create are unlimited. Think Frida Kahlo and Diego Rivera. But this chemistry can also fizzle out, or point to a connection other than romance, such as a collaborative partnership or friendship.

Here's what you need to know:

Only time will tell here. As with many types of chemistry, it's best to enjoy the connection without making assumptions about the nature of it too soon. Let it play out and try to remain conscious and curious as it does.


6. Past-life agreement

This is the most "woo-woo" type of chemistry on this list. It involves two parties who believe they made an agreement in a past life to meet up in this one. Their goal is to resolve issues from their past life together in order to clear a karmic debt. While this may sound far-fetched, the concept of a relationship being fated is actually quite a familiar theme in literature, and many of us have had similar feelings IRL. But beware. So-called past-life relationships can feel almost compulsory, so much so that we are afraid to leave.

Here's what you need to know:

The potential for physical or emotional abuse can be enormous under these circumstances, so the best advice is to steer clear of this line of thinking. Instead, look for healthy connections in the here and now.


7. Sexual attraction

No discussion of chemistry would be complete without this type—the most compelling but also potentially the most troublesome. When two people discover a lusty connection, it can feel irresistible and that's where the problem lies. Early on, the literal chemistry—hormones released in our bodies—set off "in love" fantasies that have little basis in reality. Later, sexual chemistry keeps some couples involved long after they need to split. Yet, sexual chemistry also plays a vital role in sustaining healthy relationships. Happy couples sometimes refer to it as the "glue" that keeps them together.

Here's what you need to know:

Try to keep your wits about you, especially in the early stages of the relationship. Know that hormones are going to keep you from thinking straight, so don't believe your fantasies. Instead, check out what values you share IRL and make a point of building a solid foundation from them. Then sex can be the icing on the cake.

Top reasons relationships fail, and how to avoid them

In today’s world, failed relationships are more the exception than the rule. Some people change spouses like they change socks. Easy come, easy go. But, it doesn’t have to be that way. You can have a great relationship despite the fact that so many others aren’t.
No one gets in a relationship with a man to see it fail. You have hopes and dreams that the same happiness you had when you met is there when you’re old and gray. Unfortunately, it doesn’t always work like that.

#1 Getting Too Serious Too Quickly

This one is tough because when you fall for a guy, normally you fall pretty hard. You want to spend all your time together. Pretty soon, you’re thinking about houses with white picket fences and little versions of your man running around.
While it’s great to have dreams, if you get too serious too quickly, you don’t give enough time to get to know each other. Sure, when you’re in your honeymoon phase you think your relationship can survive anything. But, if you haven’t taken the time to find out if you have the same hopes, dreams and visions of the future, reality is going to give you a pretty hard slap in the face.
The best thing you can do is take it slow. Take the time to explore what you both want out of life and see if you’re headed in the same direction. While your dreams don’t have to be exact, they at least have to be in the same ball park.




#2 Making Him Personally Responsible For Your Happiness

Ladies, we do this all the time. But, it’s not his responsibility to make you happy all the time. It’s yours. Sure, he can add to your happiness, but to make him completely responsible for it is like making him responsible for the sun coming up. It’s beyond his control.
The key to being happy as a couple is being happy as individuals. Do things that make you smile. If you’re happy with yourself, you’re more likely to be happy with him.




#3 Not Saying What’s on Your Mind

Sometimes we expect our guys to be mind readers. Like they should know how we feel or when something upsets us. But the truth is, they can’t read our minds any more than we can read theirs.
Even if he knows you’re upset, he isn’t necessarily going to do the girl-thing and push and prod you until you finally say what’s wrong. No, he’s likely to do the guy thing. He’s going to pretend nothing is wrong until you say it is.
If there’s something on your mind, say it. Put it out there. You can’t resolve an issue with him if he doesn’t know it exists.



#4 Not Spending Quality Time Together

Life gets hectic. You have work, kids and home obligations and when you do have a little bit of time, you have no energy left. Date night takes second fiddle to kid’s soccer games and what used to be quiet time alone is now time spent trying to get the kids to brush their teeth into bed at a reasonable time.
Sometimes, our family and jobs have to take priority. That’s understandable. But, if you keep putting quality time together on the backburner, eventually, the flame will go out and you’ll be left with a cold, lifeless relationship.
Set aside one day a week or every two weeks where you can have quality, uninterrupted time alone together. Go to dinner. Go for a walk. Go dancing. Do anything. Just do it together.



#5 Not Truly Listening to Him

Have you ever had a conversation with your guy and walked away with no clue what he just said because you were thinking about something else? Maybe you were running your to-do list through your mind, or planning what you were going to make for dinner.
If you don’t truly listen to what he says, you’re missing the opportunity for some great conversation. And, if you show interest in his life, he will likely return the favor and show interest in yours as well.
So, when he starts talking, quit multitasking. If possible, stop whatever you’re doing and pay attention to what he’s saying. And, be an active listener. Ask questions. Show him that you hear him.



#6 Not Trusting Him When You Should

You see it all the time; women checking their man’s cell phone for texts, email for messages and pants pockets for unknown numbers. Why? Because she wants to make sure he’s not cheating. No, he hasn’t given her a reason to think he is, she just wants to know for sure.
Why would you not trust him when he’s given you no reason to think otherwise? If you don’t trust him, why stay in the relationship? Why make both of you miserable? Learn how to trust him or move on because if you stay where you’re at and keep doing what you’re doing, your relationship will likely soon end anyway.



#7 Continuing to Bring Up Past Issues

How many times have you had a fight and brought up things he did in 1992? Does it get you anywhere? No? But you still keep doing it?
Here’s the problem with bringing up past issues: they’re in the past. That means that nothing can be done to change them. They’re over and done with.
If you want a healthy relationship, you need to deal with things that are currently happening. Focus on today. Not yesterday. Not tomorrow. Today.
If there’s something that hasn’t resolved itself, it will rear its ugly head again and give you ample opportunity to deal with it. So, for now, let it go.



#8 Testing The Relationship (Playing Games)

Have you ever said something to him just to test his response? Maybe you tell him he doesn’t have to get you something for your anniversary because it’s no big deal, but it is a big deal, you’re just testing him to see if he does the right thing? If you’re going to play games, be prepared to lose.
If you say or do things just to set him up and then tear him down when he makes the wrong decision, you’re relationship has a high likelihood of not passing the test. If you tell him something, he should expect it to be the truth.
If you want a close, loving relationship you don’t have to test it. Life tests us enough on its own. So, next time you’re about to say something you don’t mean just to see how he responds, bite your tongue and forfeit your turn.



#9 Keeping Score

Do you keep track of what you do for him versus what he does for you? For instance, do you count the number of times you put the dishes away from the dishwasher versus how often he’s done it? Or, do you know the exact number of times you’ve had to take out the garbage because he’s forgot?
When you’re in a relationship, it isn’t about what you receive, it’s about give and take. Maybe he’s not the best about putting dishes away, but he always takes care of the oil change when your car needs it.
Let go of the score mentality. It’s not about what he does for you or even what you do for him. It’s about what you both do for the relationship.



#10 Not Accepting Him Completely (Expecting Him to Change)

Have you ever done this? Have you got into a relationship thinking you could change him and everything would be perfect? And, how has that worked for you?
No one changes unless they want to. It doesn’t matter how badly you want it, if he doesn’t then it’s not going to happen. Besides, if you want him to change, why are you with him in the first place?
If you can’t accept your guy, faults and all, then your relationship isn’t going to work. You’re never going to find the perfect man because he doesn’t exist. You just have to find someone who’s perfect for you.
Relationships are hard, even when they’re easy. By taking an active role and doing what you can to nurture it and make it strong, you are opening yourself up to a more mature love, one based on trust, respect and friendship. One that not only survives, but thrives. It doesn’t get any better than that.

Before you give your heart out to someone who might not deserve it as much as you think, check for these signs. For ladies

If you’re dating a commitment phobe, chances are you won’t be able to change him and it is most likely in your best interest to get out of the relationship before you get hurt. There are many reasons why people are afraid of commitment. Usually, though, the most common reason for fear of commitment is fear of having your heart broken.

Is he afraid of commitment?
I have wasted a great deal of time pining for guys who are huge commitment phobes. They’re afraid of being tied down to one person and what that could mean for their future. Personally, I got really, really sick of it.
But at least one good thing came out of my having to deal with all those men with commitment phobia—I learned the different ways to tell if he is a commitment phobe right from the get-go. And lucky for you, I’ll divulge those secrets to you so you don’t have to go through the same struggles that I did.



#1 You’ve Never Met His Family

Okay, if you’re fresh in the relationship, this isn’t one to be alarmed about. Men are generally a little more shy about introducing their flame to the fam. You see, although not all men are commitment phobes, most are definitely going to hesitate to introduce you to their mom. But let me tell you why.
In general, when a man introduces you to his family, it’s a very big deal. Not only is he claiming you as his and his alone, but he’s saying that he’s no longer on the market either. That’s right. It’s a little bit inhibiting to meet the family. Also, there’s his mom. As soon as your guy’s mom meets you, the only thing he’ll hear for the rest of forever is “when am I going to get grandbabies?” Trust me on this.
Then again, maybe he’s afraid that his crazy family might frighten you away. I know plenty of crazy families. I dated a guy for three years, ladies, THREE YEARS and I saw his mom twice from the comfort of my car. He wasn’t a commitment phobe; his mom was just weird with the idea of her grown up son dating (yeah, I didn’t get it either).
On the other hand, if you’ve been dating a guy for a reasonable amount of time and haven’t met his family, then there’s a chance he’s a commitment phobe. It really goes back to that “giving up his freedom” thing. You have to know the difference (and if he’s afraid of commitment, there will be other signs to look for…keep reading).




#2 You’ve Never Met His Friends

Any man who is proud of his woman will show her off to his friends. You will have his best buddies hanging out at your place regularly, you’ll have dinner parties, you’ll meet them for a movie…you will meet his friends.
If you have not met any of his friends and you’ve been dating for a few months, then be wary. The reason commitment phobes don’t introduce you to their friends is because they hate to hear the “You’re an assh*le” comments from their buddies after you’ve been dumped.




#3 He Leaves Right After Sex

Don’t let “waiting for sex” confuse you into ignoring this tell-tale sign. Of all the things to watch out for with a commitment phobe, this is the biggest one. I will tell you now, openly and honestly, that I’ve had enough lovers to know that the ones who give a damn about you will stay and hold you.
If he leaves right after sex (Thank you, babe, sorry I have to go… I’ve got a busy day tomorrow… blah blah blah) then he’s definitely a commitment phobe. Men who care about you want to make sure that you’re physically and, more importantly, emotionally satisfied. They WANT TO KEEP YOU (I can’t stress that enough).
Another thing to watch out for is how he acts if he stays. This one can be tricky. My last booty call (because, let’s be honest, it wasn’t a relationship) would stay the night, wrap his arms around me and cuddle me comfortably…when he was drunk or too tired to drive, that is.
When he was sober, he would put his pants on, say something like “see you around,” and walk out the door. Which is fine for a booty call…but it’s never fine for a boyfriend to act that way. On the other hand, the last guy I “dated” had a different approach. I waited a couple of months to have sex with him. I really thought he was interested in starting a relationship with me (since that’s what he told me) and so I took my time getting to know him.
When we finally did have sex, he rolled right over, turned his back to me, and then told me the next morning that he would rather have an “open relationship.” Mind you, I’d already met his family and some of his friends, too.
Yeah, he completely flipped his wig on me.
I, of course, was furious, but a few weeks later, when he tried to make amends, I gave him another chance. Guess what happened? The SAME THING. But it ended even worse. He blamed me (for what, I really don’t know) and was rude to the point of calling me old and fat (as if!). Know that commitment phobes will turn it on you and FIND a reason to leave.




#4 He Has Plenty of Exes

Watch out for any man who has more exes than he can count. There’s something wrong. If he gives you the “I just haven’t found the right one” line, he’s lying. He has probably found a lot of right ones; he just got too scared to follow through.
It’s normal for a guy to have a few exes. However, if he’s had quite a few exes and he insists that none of the break-ups were his fault, then he’s definitely a commitment phobe. There’s no way that every relationship problem was HER fault.




#5 You Get Blamed for Plans He Doesn’t Want to Do

Do you want to see a chick flick? Have you made plans to go to the movies for weeks? Did he suddenly cancel your date at the last minute and blame YOU for it? If he cancels the plans you made for any reason other than work or an ill family member, and he says it’s your fault for making plans on this day (you know, a day he’s always really busy) anyway, then he’s a commitment phobe. Men who are afraid of commitment will find it too “commitment-like” to do the things that you enjoy.
It’s kind of like they’re afraid of making you happy because they don’t want you to become attached to them, so acting like a complete jerk is their way of keeping you at a distance. Yes, you read that correctly.
The point is, if you’re guy is this kind of guy, then he’s not really into you (or he’s into himself a little too much). Get rid of him.




#6 Things Have to Go His Way

Much like his inability to do anything you like, the commitment phobe has to have everything his way. When you go out, you eat where he wants (usually he suggests it in a casual and appealing way), you watch what he wants, and you do what he wants. You probably don’t even realize you’re doing it, either. They’re very good at making their plans seem like it was your idea anyway.




#7 You Get Emotionally Blackmailed

Let me give you a scenario. I had been lovers with a guy for over a year. It was casual, we sometimes hung out as friends, but most often not. I was under a lot of stress and had just reached a point where I needed to cry.
I sent him a text and asked him quite simply if I was crazy. He said no, of course not, and offered to come and let me cry on his shoulder. So, I let him come over, he lay in bed and held me all night while I sobbed and snot on his shirt.
The next morning I thanked him and told him I really needed that. He replied, “Don’t get used to it,” and walked out the door.
The ultimate commitment phobe.
Your man might not be as open about his lack of commitment. You might not wake up the morning after sex to hear him say, “I don’t think this is going to work.” Your guy might be more subtle about it.
My ex-boyfriend of about six years ago was that kind. I didn’t even realize he was a commitment phobe until well later in the relationship. There were subtle signs. For example, I couldn’t argue with him because he would say I was being overbearing and that would give him cause to break up with me.
The real truth came out when we were talking about marriage. He said he was seriously thinking of marrying me. However, in the end he couldn’t commit to it, said he wasn’t ready for that step, and he left. I never saw it coming.
The most undetectable sign I want you to be aware of is when you are not able to be yourself around him. If you’re afraid to “rock the boat” a little, or scared to argue with him because he says he’ll leave you if you’re too much to deal with, then you need to know it’s NOT YOU. It really is him, he just wants you to do something he doesn’t agree with so that he has an excuse to break up with you and make it your fault.




#8 You Never Know How He Feels

A commitment phobe will never tell you how he feels about you. He’ll skirt the issue. You won’t hear words of love and adoration; in fact, you’ll rarely hear words of praise.
More than that, he won’t tell you when something is bothering him because he doesn’t feel like you have the right to know. Knowing how he feels (in his opinion) gives you an emotional advantage over him. It means that he showed a side of vulnerability that is normally associated with relationship intimacy.
If he does talk about his feelings, it’s in order to tell you how sad he is that all of his ex’s were such terrible women, or to tell you how he feels about eating at a restaurant he has chosen to take you to. Watch out for this sign; it might slip past you.




#9 He’s Never There for You

If you have car problems, get lost, get sick, or anything else that could possibly require a partner to help you out…expect the commitment phobe to be unavailable. He won’t answer your calls and he won’t “be able” to make it there to help you tonight (unless he expects sex, in which case he’ll show, but he’ll tell you how awesome he is for coming out to help you).
A real relationship means the two people are there for each other. If you can’t rely on him to be there for you when things get a little tough then don’t expect him to be there at all. He won’t be.




#10 He Suddenly Lost Interest

Finally, one of the biggest signs he has commitment phobia is that he suddenly loses interest in you. It’s not something that happens over time; it’s almost overnight. He’ll be too busy to see you, he’ll make excuses to cancel your plans, and he’ll take hours to respond to your texts (if he responds at all).  A guy who suddenly, and for no apparent reason, loses interest in you is afraid of commitment; he doesn’t want to be with one woman too long. Let him go; you’ll find another.
Don’t settle for a man who has commitment phobia. No matter how much you want him to, he will never change. Instead, dump him and find yourself a man who truly loves and cares about you and who will be there for you at any time.

Reasons why we’re jealous, tips from a female relationship therapist

Being a jealous woman in today’s fake-how-you-feel society is never viewed as a good thing. We know that that’s why we strive to keep our cool even when we saw our man just check out that hot chick who passed by while we were sitting over coffee. We’ve been afraid of being labeled as the ‘jealous woman’ so we’ve done our best to be play the cool girl’s role. You’ll have to deal with jealousy at one point or another in your relationship. So, if ever your boyfriend gets upset when you’re jealous, we’ve rounded up the reasons you can use to make him see the good in it.



1. We’re jealous because we care about our relationship

We’ve worked hard for it together, and we don’t want all our efforts to go to waste just because you can’t resist flirting with anything that wears a skirt. It’s one way we check what’s in your heart, for if there’s no love anymore, there’s no point in making both of us stay and suffer, right?
With that said, jealousy is one way we show you how much we care (even if you won’t agree to that all the time). You can ask your mom or sister or any female relative you’re close to if you’re still not convinced.




2. It means you’re not just important, but prized

Things that don’t have that much worth to you often get ignored. They disappear and you don’t even notice that they did. It’s the same thing with you and our relationship. You’re of so much worth to us that we won’t just shrug off any sign that we may lose you over someone.
Call it possessiveness, but it’s just us guarding what’s rightfully ours. It’s the same thing with anything we value in life. For instance, your home or car. It’s not like you just let anyone stare, get near or touch it when you’re around, right?



3. It’s also our subtle way of showing we’re scared of losing you

It’s not like we can tell you about our greatest fears and insecurities in life as we share dinner before going to bed or watching Netflix on our days off. So, when we show our jealous side, it’s us simply telling you we want you in our life for as long as possible.



4. We’re capable of feelings, too

We can’t blame you if you’ve forgotten that we feel things, too (insecurity and jealousy included), given the fact that we’ve always showed you our strong and independent side. However, we actually do and jealousy helps us to get that message across. We sincerely hope you get it by now.



5. We’re reminding you about how you behave in public

We couldn’t really care less if every woman who passed by us (or the other way around) at the mall bats their lashes to get you to notice them. However, if you respond by winking at them or giving them that smile that captured our hearts when we were just in the beginning of our relationship, it’s another story.



6. You should learn to be sensitive to our feelings

It’s an art most men struggle to master. Our jealous side will help you to get better each time until you nail it (and you can thank us then).



7. It’s one way you can improve in the relationship

If you take any of our comments about how you can’t resist doing a double take on hot women who pass by you constructively, take a mental note of the supposed criticism, and take it to heart without resenting us. You’ll be a better version of yourself. When that happens, we won’t be able to help ourselves. We’ll fall more in love with you.



8. It’s the best way you can test how much we love you

It pains us to be mushy and corny (and we know you feel the same way, or worse), but that’s the number one reason behind our jealousy: we love you. You should actually have known it for some time now, but if you still need convincing, we’re giving it to you straight now.
We’re jealous when your attention is on someone else because we are in love with you. Don’t make us repeat that, okay? We’re not Chuck and Blair. We’re an even better couple than them.
You’ll hardly find a woman who will intentionally act jealous all the time. It’s because when we get jealous, it’s almost always because there’s a reason behind it.
Or, it’s probably because of some things that you do or might have done without knowing it will make us jealous. With this said, know that we know how jealousy is completely unavoidable but should only be exercised in moderation (because too much of anything is never good). So, keep calm and be assured, we won’t be the jealous woman if you don’t give us a reason to.

Tips to giving the best shot possible in a relationship to keep your man happy

Many women have been told what to do, and don’t know the big NO NO’s of relationships that are obvious to men, and almost a different language to some women. We all know things that can make a guy happy, but what is it that makes him unhappy and scares him away? If you really want to know how to make your boyfriend happy, we suggest you start by never doing any of these things. Sometimes it’s what we don’t do that sends the strongest message.



1. Be jealous

Easier said than done, right? Where does jealousy stem from, our man or our own insecurities? If we truly aren’t looking for happiness in someone else and are happy on our own but do have a man, we will not be jealous and here is why. If you trust yourself, you have no reason to think that you attracted a dishonest man to you.
If you know your worth, you know he’s losing a lot if he messes it up, and your time is too valuable to be pining over and speculating on all the ways he might be ruining your life. Unless you see it, don’t sniff it out, because when you focus on things, it can bring them into your reality.
Jealousy can turn a good man mad and push him away from you. If you are badgering him with questions, throwing jealous glares at him in public, or reading through his text messages, chances are the man won’t want to stay with you.
If you give him no leash and just trust him, he will want to live up to your standards of impeccability. If you have self-worth, trust him; unless he gives you reason to think otherwise.
Jealousy from either person is a real turn off, especially when you are trustworthy. It will make someone turn cold to you and is actually insulting. So don’t let those thoughts creep into your mind, know your worth and if he messes up, move on.





2. Insult his mother

Even if your boyfriend sometimes talks badly about his mother, it doesn’t give you the right to say anything bad about her. If you don’t want to insult him, you’ll make sure you don’t cross the line with this. Instinctive feelings come up when anyone insults our mothers, and it’s not worth ruining a relationship just by saying a few cheap lines about her. Keep those feelings to yourself and you’ll keep him happy.





3. Go back on your word

If you really want to keep your boyfriend happy, keep your word. Just as we like men to do what they say, they like us to do so too. Call when you say you will, show up on time, and don’t stand him up. If you blow him off or forget to follow through with things, it will make you look like you don’t care and make you look irresponsible, because all he has to go by is your actions.
Following through with what you say you’re going to do builds strength and trust in a relationship. If you are flakey, he will get discouraged. If your boyfriend is serious about you, he won’t want you to play games, so just be direct and do what you say.




4. Be bossy

If you want to keep your boyfriend happy, try not to crack the whip too much. Have you ever seen a girl that calls all the shots? The poor guy gets dwarfed by her alpha male attitude and it’s not fun for him. If you have a tendency to be a control freak, try to keep it under control, pun intended.
Just be aware of it and remind yourself to ask him what he would like to do, and ask him what movie he would like to watch. Sweet guys can be pushovers just like many girls can, but don’t take advantage of the situation, because it won’t keep your relationship balanced or healthy.
I’m all for a woman speaking her mind, but don’t go overboard. The goal is equality not tyranny, right?




5. Offend his friends

When you’re dating someone, it takes a while to know the history between him and his friends. Maybe they have been through a lot, and they have a love-hate relationship. The point is, never say slanderous things about your man’s friends if you want to keep him happy. Classy ladies know how to keep their words positive and choose them wisely.
When you talk about his friends, point out their good qualities, and it will build positive relationships between you and them. If your boyfriend feels like you don’t like his friends, he will feel like he has to choose between you and them, and that is not a fun feeling. So keep him happy and if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.




6. Break his trust

This seems like an obvious statement, but the ways we can break trust are less than obvious. If you are in the habit of telling white lies just because it’s easy, he will notice. You will also break his trust if you often lie to other people. If he sees you lying to family members and close friends about things, he will have every reason to think you’d lie to him.
Just think about how it would look if the tables were turned. If you man lies to his best friend and says that he can’t hang out because he is slammed with work, but really wants to do something with you, that is an unnecessary lie, right? It makes you feel uncomfortable, doesn’t it? If you want to keep your boyfriend happy, speak truthfully with everyone, not just him.




7. Be desperate

Where does desperation come from, us or them? If we are insecure, it comes off as desperation. Women often blame their boyfriends for making them feel insecure. Then we start texting them incessantly and demanding to know how much they care about us all the time.
If you show that you are insecure in the relationship, it only means you need to look at yourself. Why do you think you’re invaluable? As they say, you cannot put the key to your happiness in someone else’s back pocket.
Make a list of the positive qualities you have that you are proud of, and that he is lucky to have you for. Magazines have encouraged women to compare their looks to other women in a very biased way. If you find yourself asking how you look often, it will come off as desperate. Men love a woman that is confident with who she is naturally, and you have no reason to obsess over how you look.
Most men don’t even like lots of makeup or extremely skinny women. Everyone has different tastes and if your boyfriend is attracted to you, it’s because of your personality and who you are. So try not to smother him, give him space and show him you are independent.




8. Pressure him about the next step

It takes patience to develop a strong relationship, and if you pressure your boyfriend to move in together or get engaged, chances are he will feel like you’re forcing him. It’s best to let things happen naturally, and realize that if you get along, that’s all that matters and if you don’t get along, moving in together isn’t going to solve that problem.
If you are inclined to pressure him about the next step, it might indicate that you yourself are insecure about the relationship. Remember, titles don’t change the way you both interact, and if he has cold feet, it could be because the communication between you two needs some TLC.




9. Try to make him change

This is the oldest trick in the book. Why do we start a relationship hoping a man is going to change? It’s important to accept your boyfriend for who he is, in the flesh. If you fell in love with your idea of him, and not the real him, that’s not his fault. If you are pushing him to do things he doesn’t want to do, it’s not going to make him happy.
You can really only control what you do, and lead an example through that. Often our own opinions about how someone should lead their life change over time. Think back about how many different ways you’ve eaten over the past few years.
Sometimes we get really into something and think everyone else should also be really into it. Try to let him have room to be himself, and love him for who he is, not who you want him to be.
If you try to change your boyfriend, he will feel pressure and it won’t keep him happy. If you focus on what you like about him, and his good traits, it will build confidence in him, and help him develop in positive ways. I’m not telling you to inflate his ego and ignore things that really bother you, but accept that no one is perfect, not even yourself.
We all have our ways of dealing with stress, and for some of us, we play video games, some of us go hiking with our friends and some of us drink a lot of coffee. As long as he is not hurting himself or anyone else, let him work things out on his own, and just be a supportive friend. You’re more likely to receive the same treatment when you go through changes too.




10. Speak down to him

Have you ever been spoken down to? How does it feel? Not good, right? If you think you are the smartest person since Einstein, and insult your boyfriend’s intelligence on a regular basis, even if it’s in a playful way, it really won’t make him happy. Often that is just our ego barking, needing to validate itself for being so great, but it actually makes us look arrogant and isolates us from people.
A truly smart person is a great listener, and is very careful with their words. A smart person knows that to make someone happy, you don’t talk about yourself, you ask about them.
As women struggle to get equal treatment still today, we have a tendency to overstep our goals and swing too far in the other direction. It’s just as wrong for a woman to speak down to a man as it is for a man to speak down to a woman.
If you want to break down someone’s self-esteem to feel better about yourself, talk to your fish. If you want to keep your relationship healthy and keep your boyfriend happy, don’t belittle him, his ideas, or his decisions.
A man, more than anything, wants respect. He doesn’t care that much about how he looks, but he cares a lot about if people respect him. Loyalty is a deep rooted characteristic that men look for in their friends and partners. If you make him feel diminutive, he will feel like you are against him and not playing on his side.
Don’t make fun of him in private or in public, and really make sure you guard your words when you are frustrated. The easiest time to slip up is when you are feeling defensive.
One of the hardest skills to develop to keep your boyfriend happy is to keep the things you say to him and about him positive. When you are on a date, it’s easy to say nice things about him, but when you’re tired, he forgot to feed the dog, there are no groceries in the fridge, and rent is late, it’s much harder to guard your words.
If you can manage to stay calm and think about what you say before you blurt it out, it can make a huge difference in the success or failure of your relationship. Remember how stress and emotions can take hold of us and make us say things we usually wouldn’t.
Promise yourself that you’ll create a way to take a moment to calm down when you start feeling angry so as to make sure you don’t say something you will later regret.
Men can be sometimes so hard to decode and it can be a problem, because we all want to make our man happy. We all want to find a way to make a compromise and get along in the long run with our significant other.

Tips for how to be classy while waiting for the perfect man. For ladies

The happiness shown in movies does exist, but it takes more persistence to find. Toss your jaded feelings to the side and channel positivity. Dating can be an exciting time at first. As you discover that each date ends in unpleasant or disappointing circumstances, negativity fills the heart. Don’t get discouraged.

These tips will show you how.

 

1. It’s time for a reality check

TV shows, books, movies and positive stories show us that true love exists. Unlike in movies, the love of your life doesn’t arrive in an unexpected manner. Stop dreaming.
Reality is nothing like Hollywood. Several people may come your way before you meet the right person, so mingle and engage here and now. Read books and stories related to dating advice from a man’s perspective. Failed relationships prepare you to find the right person.




2. It’s about selection, not rejection

How can some women find love and others can’t? It’s all about selection. Those women know what they want. Their standards are high and they will not yield for anything less. Specifically, they strategize.
Their plan of action includes desires, expectations, deal-breakers and boundaries. Their pace is slow, and they don’t let anyone talk them into grabbing someone because the family or friends approve. Selection makes you positive because you won’t settle.
Likewise, extreme selectivity is why some can’t find dates. Examples of this include listing a certain height, hair color or income—the unrealistic standards eliminate too many people. A superhero doesn’t exist.
The average person won’t cater to you every second of the day, and no single person will meet all 200 requirements on your list. Return to earth with realistic expectations for men.



3. Shake it off

Since dating is selection, shake off bad dates. Easier said than done, right? Ladies, we take bad dates personally. You tried to compromise, but it doesn’t work well with everyone, so you let go.
Don’t let bad dates consume you. Move on to the next date, concentrate on errands, listen to music or cry it out with family and friends. Get the moody funk out.
In return, never take bad moods to a dating scene. It turns the mood sour before it gets going, and a potential mate is gone because of the bad day. Therefore, shake off any frustrations that may have occurred during the day prior to the date.



4. Get a life

Is the dating world your whole life or part of it? Enjoy life. Make money at work, hang out with friends, chat with family, browse social media, enjoy nature, exercise, find a hobby and run errands. Bills are due and chores are incomplete. Life doesn’t revolve around finding a significant other.



5. Think outside the box

In Hollywood, it takes one meaty role to break away from the typecast box. In the dating world, it’s easy to remain complacent. Break stereotyping by breaking your habits. Find dates in a different venue.
Dress differently (remain respectful). Date a different type of person. This person will still meet the standards but have different interests. Try a different activity on the date. Break the standards mentally set by you and go in a different direction.



6. Leave temporarily

The dating world becomes overwhelming when we expect the world immediately. An alternative instance is being frustrated with attracting the same kind of person. If the dating world is burning you out, leave.
Set a beginning and end during the temporary vacation. Make yourself happy with a bubble bath, massage, or doing your favorite hobby. However, during that time, analyze yourself.
What are you doing to attract these kinds of people? If you can’t analyze your behavior, your family and friends will. The responses will hurt, but if you listen to the message and not voice tone, you can rebound with a renewed purpose.



7. Rediscover purpose

What is the reason for plunging into the dating scene? An unsatisfactory answer is ‘to find a lover.’ ‘To feel complete’ is wrong because you can be complete on your own.
Dig deeper for the answer. Channel your personality and emotion for answers. Consider the benefits of companionship to solve the mystery. Why is it important? How does that answer transform your life?
Dating is a journey. Each date is a learning lesson about expectations, toleration and limitations. A failed relationship isn’t the end; it’s the beginning. Use failed relationships as a guide.
Become selective. If selection overrides desperation and people pleasing, we will find happiness. In turn, women need to become open-minded. Shutting out people due to appearance or for materialistic reasons means you’re skipping someone who could be the one for you.

The reasons why good manners are vital to a long and healthy relationship

Do you ever wonder why good manners are so important? Without proper etiquette, society would be a mess with free-for-all behaviors that would have rude people dominating those who care about others. Do you want to keep your relationship strong even after the newness has faded away?

There are many good reasons why your parents spent years instilling all those manners into you, and it isn’t just so you don’t embarrass them in public. 

 

#1 You Maintain Respect for Each Other

One of the problems in many relationships is that people lose respect for each other. There isn’t always an outside cause either. Often people lose respect for each other because they get so comfortable that they go outside the boundary of what’s okay and what isn’t.
Have you ever been in a relationship with a man who was very polite and considerate when you first got together, but then as things moves along and he became more comfortable he…changed? He began burping at the dinner table or farting in front of your friends and laughing about it. Maybe he even stopped putting the toilet seat down or putting his dirty dishes in the sink. That’s because he stopped using his manners, which means he stopped caring about what you think and, in turn, you lost respect for him. Good manners are vital to respect.




#2 You Appreciate Each Other

Another reason why good manners are important in a relationship is that good manners mean you continue to appreciate each other. When you and your partner say, “Please” and “Thank you” on a regular basis, you show each other that you still appreciate what the other person does for you.
When he opens the door for you, he shows you he still appreciates you as the lady you are, and when you say “Thank you,” you show him that you still appreciate his little acts of chivalry that make him who he is. Appreciation and good manners go hand in hand.




#3 The Kindness Never Goes Away

Have you ever seen those couples who argue all the time over petty little things? Maybe one of them says something rude and the other retaliates so they bicker back and forth eventually becoming cruel to one another? That’s another reason why good manners equal a good relationship.
It’s difficult to be kind to someone who doesn’t respect or appreciate you, and when you have bad manners there’s nothing there to respect or appreciate. In other words, you can’t be kind to someone who’s cruel, you just can’t. I know what you’re thinking: Bad manners doesn’t necessarily equate to cruelty. That’s true, but bad manners never equates to kindness either.




#4 It Prevents Petty Arguments

When you see those couples having those petty little arguments, do you ever feel a little embarrassed for them? I know I do. If they can talk to each other like that in public, who knows how they speak to each other at home. It’s uncomfortable to watch to say the least.
However, those petty arguments that happen behind closed doors are also, undoubtedly, uncomfortable. More importantly, they’re easily preventable. One of the biggest complaints I hear women have is that their husband “never appreciates” the things they do. Women tell me all the time they wish they could get a simple “Thank you” for cleaning the house, or a “Wow, this is great” for cooking dinner. Without those manners, women (and men) feel unappreciated by their partner. That lack of appreciation leads to small, often spiteful, arguments.
Another problem is that those little deeds that show good manners (such as taking out the trash without being asked or helping to clear the table after dinner) can build up levels of frustration as well. If one person feels as if they’re doing all the work, then there will be resentment in the relationship. When that happens, people argue.




#5 You Set an Example for Your Children

Why are those old black and white sitcoms considered so wholesome? They set good examples for the children. Let’s look at it from a child’s point of view for a moment. Now, even if you don’t have kids, bear with me because someday you might have children and this information will be very useful.
Children learn what they live. They also learn from what they see around them. Many kids spend hours upon hours in front of the television set, and whatever it is you’re watching is going to influence them in one way or another.
If your kid grows up watching Jersey Shore or any “my baby momma” talk show, then that’s what they’re going to equate the world of relationships with. Of course, it isn’t always as straight forward as that, and I’m not saying that watching Jersey Shore will cause young children to get orange spray tans and sleep around, but I am saying it will impact them.
More importantly, if your kids see YOU act like that, they’ll consider it normal and they’ll likely grow up and be the same way.
When you and your lover are polite to each other, you teach your children to be polite as well, not only polite to you, but polite to their significant other when they grow up. The relationships you show your kids are the kind of relationships they choose when they get older. Why would you show them a bad relationship? This is the time for you to pull out that “Donna Reed” alter ego and teach your children to respect and appreciate their partner when they grow up.




#6 It Still Feels “New”

Not only do good manners keep the respect in a relationship and help to prevent petty arguments, but good manners also makes the relationship continue to feel like new. I implore you once again to go back to those early days of dating when saying “Please” and “Thank you” was expected. Do you remember how good you and your man felt about each other when you were using your manners? Yeah.
Whenever you and your guy keep up the good manners, the relationship keeps that “new” feeling. You know, the one where you thought he was Prince Charming and he thought you were an absolute angel! Good manners is one of the things that keeps you “in love” with each other (because you don’t build up those little resentments towards each other).




#7 Your Families Appreciate it

Does your man have one of those hard-to-please mothers? Does your father hate your guy for stealing away his little girl? If the answer to either of those (or both of those) questions is “yes,” then your good manners are highly needed to ease the parenting pain.
When you show your significant other’s parents that you’re well-bred and that you were raised to show respect and courtesy to people, those parents are going to want to keep you around. That’s because they know that good manners are hard to find nowadays, and they also want to make sure that the apple of their eye doesn’t run off and marry some jerk (male or female). Believe me, nothing shows a parent you love their child more than being respectful, kind, and showing that you were raised with good manners.




#8 Good Manners are Classy

It isn’t just your parents that you want to show off those manners to; your friends also need to see them! Have you ever invited couples over for a game night or a few drinks and dinner? Have you ever seen any of those couples start arguing in front of everyone? It gets awkward real quick, doesn’t it?
Do your guests (and your host and hostess) a favor – don’t be those people. Use your manners with each other, with the other people at the party, and genuinely be polite to everyone. This will not only make sure you’re invited back to future parties, but it’ll also instill a deep jealousy in those couples who do nothing but fight (which is always a little fun, too, isn’t it?).




#9 It Gives the Relationship Equality

One of my biggest pet peeves is when I see a couple walking down the street and one of them walks in front of the other without even turning back. I really hate that. I also hate it on a date. It’s rude to be with someone and walk ahead of them. Even more horrendous is when the man is walking in front of the woman and doesn’t stop to hold the door open for her (I’ve been on more than one of these dates). It’s shameful to act that way!
When you apply your manners, you are creating an equal balance in your relationship. Two people who are polite and appreciate each other will always go the extra mile and make sure the other person is right beside them (literally and figuratively speaking). Anything less is not good for a relationship.
Using good manners is not a way of resorting to “outdated” gender roles or succumbing to someone else’s will. It’s quite the opposite. Many people assume that by using your manners with your lover, you’re not comfortable enough with that person to be yourself.
The truth is you are being more of yourself when you continue to love and respect your partner by using your good manners. You’re continuing to be the person they fell in love with, the one who appreciated them in the beginning of the relationship and continues to appreciate them. Good manners bring out the best in you, which means you’re bringing out the best in your relationship.




#10 You’re Happier with Each Other

All in all, when it comes down to it, good manners equal a good relationship because you’re happier with each other. Think about it? Could you ever really be truly happy with someone who isn’t good to you? Could you ever really feel complete with a person who doesn’t respect you and doesn’t appreciate you? No, you can’t. There’s no sense trying to pretend.
When it comes to using good manners, it’s not only good for your relationship it’s actually one of the most vital aspects of your relationship. Men and women who always use good manners with each other end up continuing the habit without conscious effort, and they are the ones who end up having a truly fulfilling partnership. Good manners prove that you respect someone. Good manners prove that you care enough about the person you’re with to be your best for them. It might not sound like much, but in a loving relationship it means everything.
Ask yourself this, would you behave that way with your partner in front of your parents? I’m not talking about playing around or talking dirty to each other (good manners does not mean no naughty time); I mean if you were having dinner with your family would you let your partner do all the cooking and cleaning up? Would you forget to offer to help set the table or help do the dishes?

 So why would you treat your lover with any less respect when there’s nobody around to see it? In fact, you should show your lover more courtesy when there’s nobody around because those private moments are the moments that really matter.

Some things that are needed to move from attraction to falling in love in men. Ladies find out

There are a few key things that men tend to need and want to foster their love for someone. Falling in love is more than just physical chemistry, although that is one part of the equation. It’s also about getting your needs met and feeling connected to someone.

Think you know what makes men fall in love? Think again. Here’s what makes men fall head over heels in love with you.

 

1. Knowing You Have a Life

There’s this idea that men like women who are hard to get. It’s a bit of a myth. What men like is women who have a life. That, in turn, means you aren’t going to go off with the first man who comes knocking.
Men want to know you test them to see if they behave themselves. If you are always available, always answer the minute you get a text message, change your schedule to fit theirs and are desperately waiting for their next phone call, it shows you’re giving yourself to them without checking if they’re worthy of you. They won’t feel like you’re a reward—a prize for them being amazing.
Now, a woman who plays hard to get gives off signs that she’s checking to see if a guy is worthy of her, even though that’s not what she’s doing. However, playing games isn’t particularly fun because chances are she’ll be hard to get and aloof at times when it’s inappropriate and frustrating.
Instead, make sure to focus on your life. Fill it with things you love doing. Get busy achieving your goals. Ensure you don’t stop working or move your focus away from your friends as soon as you get a text message. Save the text till the break or when you get home from your night out with your friends.
It’s not that you shouldn’t savor the excitement of meeting someone new because you should—just make sure your life comes first. That way, chances are the guy will think you’re amazing because you lead an amazing life and he will want to be part of that life.




2. Adrenaline

Yep, it’s true: a man rescuing you from a dragon is more likely to fall in love with you than a man who isn’t rescuing you from a dragon. Why? Adrenaline makes us fall in love quicker—or so studies say.
It might also have something to do with the bonding you do in different experiences. Having dinner with someone is a lot less engaging than going zip lining with someone (on one of those obstacle tracks in the woods or similar), where you get to chat with them, help them and together feel the fear and thrill of getting through each obstacle.
It also makes sense that you fall in love faster as you are in a heightened emotional state when you are in a fearful or exciting situation. Compare the exhilaration of skiing down the alps and then cuddling up with hot chocolate afterwards, when your senses are still tingling, to having a drink at your local bar.
Also, experiencing new things will make you feel alive—only too often do we stop experiencing life and go on autopilot with our routines. When you have great experiences with someone, you associate them with the experience. If you want to make a great impression on someone, make sure you create great experiences with them.



3. Intimacy

I’m not talking about jumping into the sack with someone, but rather being intimate with your thoughts and emotions.
Psychologist Arthur Aron and co. did an experiment in which strangers got to sit down together and ask each other 36 questions then looked each other in the eye for four minutes. The results showed that people suddenly got close very quickly.
Normally we take time to get to know each other and as the relationship deepens, we open up more. Asking each other questions that speed up this process leads to feelings flying high a lot faster. It will also help you to establish more about the other person.




4. Innuendo: Dare to Think it

When we fall for someone, we often get a bit… nervous. Suddenly, we have skin in the game because we want them and it makes us fearful of not getting them. The problem with nervousness is that it blocks out other things.
When you’re with someone, instead of bottling up your nervousness—which is like putting the lid on champagne—is that, sooner or later it will explode. Let it be. If you uncork the champagne, the bubbles will bubble away till there are none left. Nervousness is similar to that. I call it “hanging with the tension” as opposed to wanting to resolve it by repressing it, overriding it with charm or jokes, etc.
You see, once you are present and feel what you really feel, the other person will pick up on that. If all they pick up on is nervousness, they won’t feel a sizzling attraction. A little bit of nervousness every so often is cute—a whole night of it… not so much.
What attracts us to a person is a combo of things (our personality, physical appearance, intelligence, emotional state, etc.), but also sex. If you look someone in the eye, thinking about exactly how attracted you are to them, smiling and mentally alluding to what is to come, they will sense it. You just gave them “the look.” You’re promising them something—but only with your eyes.
No man will be unaffected if they’re attracted to you. Touching your leg or twirling your hair while thinking those thoughts also works a charm.
You can allude to sex in other ways, too, by touching the person, for example. If you say something like, “Well, you know, eating chocolate can be sexy…it’s such an intense taste,” they will think of sex.


Men and women are biologically wired to want sex, so whether we want it to be or not, it’s part of the attraction we feel for someone. The only way to turn a friendship into something more is if the other person suddenly sees you in a sexual light. That’s what differentiates friends from lovers.



5. Compliments

Tell a man he’s great and he will feel wonderful. Say it in front of others and he will feel like he can take on the world. The better you make him feel, the more he will like you. Keep it honest and real, but don’t be shy to compliment him. Too often, we think something without saying it.
It’s like having great experiences with someone (which is why you should go on interesting dates together): the more of a good time they have or, as with compliments, the better they feel around you, the more they will like you. It’s the basis for creating a healthy relationship as well—one where you love and respect each other and grow as a couple by doing interesting things together.

If you want a man to fall in love with you, first get a life you love, so that he can dream of becoming part of it. Then, take him on some adrenaline-fueled and fun dates, get intimate by asking questions, play with sexual innuendo and start giving him heartfelt compliments. Soon, he will be head over heels!